The Maturity in Heartbreak: when we allow our heart to “break” to crack open with more love

I’m a woman who doesn’t believe hearts break…

Yet feels like her heart is breaking.

Breaking,

cracking,

shattering open.

Heartache is such a deep, wrenching, visceral pain.

I think a part of me knew this was coming.

For weeks, maybe more.

My body has been holding the tension,

feeling depleted and on edge,

as I’ve been watching aspects of my life crumble around me,

sensing I was being guided to a deeper alignment,

understanding everything not in congruence with the bigness of the vision must fall away,

contracting whilst all the ways I’ve been not owning my power or worth or integrity have been spotlighted on centre stage,

trusting that any ways I’ve been putting conditions on love for myself or others or how I’m loved can no longer remain if I’m to move forward.. and be the person I’m here to be… and lead a new paradigm in open-hearted ness that I’m here to lead.

The soul is wise,

the heart is strong,

yet my human hurts.

There is a man who exists on this planet who has been my greatest mirror and teacher of love.

For 8 years we’ve triggered each’s others deepest wounds and activated each other’s potential.

I wouldn’t know love, and I wouldn’t know my true self, without him -

For we cannot fully know thy self without the reflection of another.

I spoke about him at the very end of Unspoken Sydney, to share my gratitude.

Everything I’ve created in the last 8 years, and everyone I’ve helped, has been a result of us.

I know I couldn’t have evolved to *here* without him pushing me, provoking me, and loving me.

Our connection shows me where I’m not loving or respecting myself -

where my heart is closed with fear.

I use this information to then confront my limitations and break free,

to break open,

to illuminate my own shadows and transform them back to love.

Sometimes this looks like falling apart first; like feeling sad and angry and alone… like my life is disintegrating, combusting, exploding.

In the past in these times, I would project my pain onto him. I would blame him, and scream and tantrum.

I realised today there is a maturity in my heart break now.

I’ve experienced it enough times over 8 years to now realise that it is never my heart that truly breaks.

It is only my ego; my attachments, my expectations, my perceptions…

It is only uncomfortable because it is deeply confronting to see yourself so deeply… to see your potential and to see your limitations so clearly.

Everytime I have run from him in the past; I found out I was only ever running from me.

Everytime I felt we were ending things or “breaking up”, I found out I was only ever breaking up with an aspect of myself I have outgrown.

Everytime I felt my heart was too broken to ever trust love again, I found even greater depths of love for myself and others -

I found the infinite source of love that exists within me…

I found new levels of strength and power within me…

I found new levels of faith and softness within me…

I learnt over time:

I have the power to transform

shattered fragments of pain and illusion,

into stunning pieces of art;

and instead of being hurt

by my own jagged limitations,

I can alchemise them into love -

and shine from the inside out.

“The wound is where the light is.” - Rumi